Feeling connected in relationships
I used to think that the strength of a relationship—whether friendship, romantic, or professional—came down to clarity, logic and being able to explain myself well.
If I could just articulate my point, if I could just be understood, then everything would flow smoothly.
But here’s what I’ve learned:
Relationships aren’t about being correct. They’re about being connected.
This shift in perspective changed everything for me.
So often, we enter conversations—or even conflicts—with the underlying desire to prove something.
Maybe it’s that we’re the one who remembers a situation correctly.
Maybe it’s that our perspective is valid.
Maybe it’s just wanting to be seen and heard in the way we believe we deserve.
And while all of that is human and understandable, it’s also deeply limiting.
Because when we approach relationships through the lens of being right or desiring to only be seen, we unintentionally create separation.
We turn conversations into debates. We become more focused on showing ourselves than understanding the other person.
What if, instead, we shifted from trying to be correct to staying connected?
That means prioritizing the relationship itself over the need to be seen as right.
It means committing to the consciousness of the container—the emotional and energetic space that holds you and the other person—because the quality of that space affects both of you.
The Power of “Staying In It”
There will be moments when we feel misunderstood. When emotions rise. When we want to shut down or prove a point or retreat into frustration.
But what if, in those moments, we chose to stay in it together instead?
Staying in it doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs or bypassing difficult feelings.
It means committing to discovering truth together—not my truth, not your truth, but something deeper that emerges when both people are willing to listen and stay open.
This shift has helped me immensely. When I feel the urge to “win” a conversation or prove my side, I remind myself: Is this about being right? Or is this about being connected?
Nine times out of ten, connection is what I truly want.
Truth Over Ego
Another key piece of this shift is realizing that truth isn’t something either person owns. Truth isn’t about proving one perspective over another—it’s about uncovering something deeper together.
This is a practice in presence. In pausing before reacting. In listening not just to respond, but to understand.
When we make space for truth rather than for proving a point, relationships feel safer. There’s less defensiveness, less tension, less need to control. Instead, there’s trust.
So, of you’re feeling disconnected from someone in your life, try this:
The next time a disagreement comes up, pause before reacting. Ask yourself, “Am I trying to be correct or am I trying to stay connected?”
If you feel the urge to prove your point, shift your intention to understanding first.
When things feel tense, remind yourself of the container you’re both in—how is this space impacting you both? Is it creating closeness or distance?
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Approach conflict as a process of discovering truth together rather than a game of right vs. wrong.
The more we practice this, the easier relationships become. Not because they stop having challenges, but because they become spaces of mutual care, respect and actual connection.
And ultimately, connection is what we all crave.
This is the shift that changed my relationships and I hope it serves you too.